A peak into the light

Usually it's very hard to live in a way of life that you think does not fulfill your expectations, so it was a hard thing to first acknowlidge that things weren't going the way that I wanted them to be. This is why it took me first a lot of time to inspect my own religion or the way that my Church goes about it in it's tradition and beliefs. So what do you do first when you're in doubt about your religion? You go to a priest.
Older priests in my country had started their practice during Communist times which enabled them to create a tradition of religion that might suit the goals of the system, which preached that "religion is the opium for the masses" so tradition was more important than faith. So people didn't learn any prayers and weren't taught in their religion.
So bearing that in mind, I was told that I shouldn't bother myself with such things, and that it was their job (the priests' job) to deal with the questions of God.
Prohibition does wonders to a young man's mind. I went deeper into the subject by looking for some books and articles on religion and about whether my religion was the one that had the truth.
This is the period when I started doing a more intense study of the Bible with the help of different materials which came from different pamphlets and internet sites by different Christian sects (or whatever they are called) which helped me get a basic understanding of what the Holy Scripture was. I couldn't understand why the priest I talked to didn't tell me to go to the Bible for answers; that's what priests used to do on films, and I read lots of commentaries by different priests who actually suggested a certain amount of Bible study for the practicing Christian.
Meanwhile I found out that prayer was something to be said, so I started learning pace by pace how a Christian should really pray. At that time a new magazine on Orthodoxy was being issued and I had the opportunity to read more about it, and about the "do's and don'ts". I tried to follow many of these advices, but I was always pulled back by my environment which didn't accept religion as a way of life, but as a way of differenting between peoples and nations.
People here, usually attend the liturgy if they are told to or if there's a big holiday (Christmas or Easter) so that it has become a part of the lifestyle of the population that they should follow their own religion (as a counter-influence of the Muslim tradition of regular attending prayers and everything).
On this crossroad of my life I decided that I will practice whatever I think secretly, and I will perform my public duities as I was supposed to do. It wasn't easy, but I did it. I found an Orthodox priest online who told me that what I was doing was right and encouraged me to follow the path I have selected.
But something was wrong. My lifestyle didn't go allong with the choice that I had made to follow God as He would instruct me, and as his earthly representative (the Church) would tell me.
I prayed one day saying "God, please lead me to the right path and I will obey your wish".
This is the time when I started reading about Church history and the 11. century split between Orthodoxy and Catholicism.
The magazine gave an article commemorating the visit of the late Pope John Paul II to Greece, and discussed certain aspects of difference between Roman Catholicism and Eastern Orthodoxy. I think that this would be my initial close encounter with the Catholic faith. I started watching Catholic Masses from Italy and from my country and I was astonished by them. The organization of the Church and the complete hierarchy and the order it gave was the most appealing thing to me at that time (and if I might add, it still is).
I was given a chance in life, a chance to choose. And I had a new topic on my mind that I had to explore the Western way of life, the way of moving away from the East and tradition, towards something that appealed to me after such a long time. I finally had the right choice to make, and Deo gratia, I finally was able to have at least a small ray of light from our Heavenly Father.

The Change in Course of Pax

Hoping you will understand I had to take a short break from blogging. In this post I will make a short digression before I continue explaining my path into Catholicism.

After the unfortunate death of my beloved mother, I am now able to say that I can get myself to write something even though I can't say that I'm very peaceful in these moments. Still, what we as mortal men cannot provide for this life, God will always find a way to help us in any way He thinks appropriate.

I was never a person to believe in miracles. Perhaps because miracles happen in unexpected moments, and because they fulfill small portions of our lives in a very significant way.

Those who have died have left a very important legacy behind them - the ones who will remember them and will mention them to the further generations. They also leave a great empty space because the greatest pain I am filling at the moment is the physical lack of a person who brought me up and gave everything to make me happy.

But I am not alone! I always thought that I will remain alone eventually, but I'm not alone! And that feeling of being watched over by our Heavenly Father gives me strength to go on. I must go on because that is the plan that God has set forth for me. I am glad that he didn't let my mother suffer very much and it sets my soul at a certain level of peace.

I thank God for the friends and family he has given me and I pray for all of them every day as I pray for the rest of the soul of my departed mother. Give me strength and peace Oh Lord, to hold up against all attacks and pains so that I can endure all temptation. Amen!

In Principio...

I was wondering how I was supposed to start telling my own story into the Catholic Church, a journey that is still going on and will continue until the last day determined for me by God.

I suppose the best way to start explaining why I want to join and why I consider the Catholic Church as the true Church of God is to start at the beginning of my understanding of religion. As I have said in my introductory post, I was born into an Orthodox Christian family, which saw religion as a part of its identity rather than a need to communicate with God. Similarly to the Catholic Church there are a number of Church traditions that are followed. So, instead of being taught by a priest or a religious scholar I learned about the traditions of Orthodoxy in my home. Not a really good way to define religion by people who only practice traditions not the religion itself!

I was taught that the centre of Christian life was out of the church, and the church was only a place where one is supposed to go to once in a while because his identity was Christian, and excessive church-going was and still is considered to be silly or unneeded. Believing in God was something different from practicing religion, which would include going to liturgy (theia leitourgeia θεία λειτουργεία meaning holy service, which is the Greek word for Mass) and taking the Eucharist (I'm sure you understand that) which in Orthodoxy means taking a leavened bread and wine (I was told that Catholics take unleavened bread and only the priests and clerics are allowed to take wine).

Orthodox tradition also includes lighting a lot of candles and kissing many icons, while leaving money on them (even though in recent times many of the priests have protested against this tradition because when you go to church you don’t want to see crucifixes and icons of saints cluttered with money. The other explanation was that this was only a part of the pagan traditions which haven’t died out in the mentality of the people. Fortunately for me I have only seen other people practicing more bizarre traditions than this like slaughtering lambs in the church yard or slaughtering and throwing lambs and other animals into the foundations of new houses or buildings. I’m sure you’ll find this bizarre but many priests allow it, because usually after the throwing of the so-called “kurban” (meaning offering (remember Abraham’s offering?) and nowadays it’s usually practiced by Muslims) the priests also blesses the foundation so that the house would be blessed by God. (Thank God – Deus gratia, we’ve never practiced any of this in my family). Drinking holy water has always been something that we were taught we should do. Even washing with holy water is practiced to heal some illnesses.

Taking the Eucharist every Sunday was never a part of my tradition. Praying to God was something that I learned by myself. Mind you, I never knew any proper prayers. I started praying the "Our Father" when I was 19 (and I learned it by myself). My first Hail Mary was said when I was 22 years old. The traditionalistic view of religion stuck with me for quite a long period of time. I even learned a very foolish prayer which went something like this: "I pray to all the forces of the Universe and our Lord Jesus Christ to..." followed by whatever request I had at that time.

When we talk about holiday traditions there is much more than Easter bunnies and turkey. Christmas for example is celebrated after New Year’s (on January 7^th) and before Christmas the Orthodox Church still practices a fast (I’ll talk about the fasts a bit later in this post). New Year’s Eve is something that is celebrated more than Christmas. People tend to overeat and drink and then go to the Christmas service (liturgy) and some of them even take the Eucharist even though they are not actually prepared for it. Taking the Eucharist in the Orthodox tradition is conditioned by a fast (which usually lasts for forty days but usually people tend to take it after fasting for one week). What I mind most about the Orthodox way of fasting is that people don’t realize that fasting is something that is more spiritual than physical. You can’t distinguish between someone who fasts and the one who doesn’t, first and foremost because you can hear foul language from both of them (especially when they drive) and then because many of those new-age believers (who detested religion but now are devout Christians) overdo many things and it all looks like a great travesty rather than something spiritual. The physical conditions of Orthodox fasting divide fasts into “oil fasts” and “oil-less fasts” (I know these words don’t really fit English, but I thought it would be nicer to use them as they are the literal translations of the words in my native language). Oil fasts are fasts in which one can eat food prepared with oil, but not meat, while the oil-less fasts mean that you mustn’t use oil in your food (this excludes olives as a source for oil, dairy and of course meat, so basically you can only eat some bread, boiled beans or fruit throughout the day and lots of black coffee or teaJ). Even though the Church does not really care about whether you fast properly it gives some appeals to the people not to forget the aim of the fasts, which is not really respected by the people.

And one day, I said “This is something I don’t understand! Religion must be something more than going to church and lighting candles for the living and the dead once in a while.” At this moment my initial “Pax in Anima” (Peace of the Soul) started to rebel. My distress and curiosity opened the door for the question: “Am I on the right path?”

What I got as an answer was very simple - NO...

In Nomine Patris et Filius et Spiritus Sanctus. Amen!

I was taught that a true Catholic should begin every work with these words, so here I am , beginning to tell the story of my life. A change which I consider to be valuable, true and closer to God. A hope and a wish to be more successful in following The Way.

A conversion from Eastern Orthodoxy to Roman Catholicism.